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The 2011 Airing of Grievances



The tradition of Festivus begins with the “Airing of Grievances”. For those of you that don’t know anything about Festivus get with the program This past year has really been pretty awesome .I had a lot of great friends and family come through, did a ton of cool stuff and cant wait to keep at it in 2012. But a post about all my favorite things would be a little to Oprah for me and while we have both gained a few pounds over the past few monthes I just can't go there. So instead here is the naughty list of people, places &things that have seriously pissed me off in 2011.
  • The Reebok CrossFit Games Open Sectional Web development team -2011 started off with The Reebok CrossFit Games Open Sectional, an online competition to try and define the fittest on earth ( to the exclusion of some firebreather living in the jungle with an amazing snatch and muscle ups). CrossFit.com has been posting WODs and allowing athletes to post scores successfully for years but somehow when they decide to make it count and get thousands of us to login to find out how it's all going to work they fuck it up and keep us all in the dark when they could have just done it the old fashion way.
  • “Armchair QB coaches and trainers” - These attention starved douche bags spend more time writing about how bad CrossFit is than writing anything useful. Quit trying to capitalize on CrossFit's popularity by attempting to write something controversial. Seriously if you’re a fitness professional and act like some program is so dangerous or has hurt you it says more about your lack of creativity, self control and understanding of your own limits and programming skill than CrossFit. Its varied functional movement at relative intensity with a group and the work outs are measured (that’s how we know it’s working, you know science stuff). CrossFit has it’s faults ( as do all things ) but they are far less than the majority of the Bubblegum bullshit out there in the fitness world.
  • “CrossFit Type Work Out Trainer Guy” Quit using the brand to promote your bootcamp. CrossFit is a brand built by CFHQ, its Affiliates, coaches and athletes. The terms are relevant because of the work we have done. If you want to use the name give proper credit. How bout you try differentiating yourself by doing something awesome on your own.
  • Punctuation and rules of grammar, obviously I hate you and have no respect for you.
  • The Reebok CrossFit Games Softball toss- Right after one bad ass beach event you decide to make a mockery of yourself. Did the Web Development team plan this one?I’m all for the idea that throwing something for distance is a useful, measurable skill but can it at least be something cool like a hammer,stone, spear or iron ball. It didn’t prove anything and only served as fodder for the “arm chair quarterback coaches”
  • Treating your goals like the “Like” button. It's that time of year again, people are making all kind of diet, exercise and health goals. That’s great set a big hairy audacious goal, think about why you want it, make a plan, go for it and don’t except failure. That's how you get shit done. So do your “reevaluating” now and get moving. When it gets hard or tough then you’ll know you picked something worthy of your time. So suck it up butter cup. And quit letting your excuses get in the way of what you want.
  • Leave my shit out guy/girl - I get it your tired and a little doppy but once again suck it up buttercup and put your shit back where it belongs, Incase you didnt know where things belong here is a list of where they do not belong. Tape wods, water bottles and cups do not go on the fucking floor. Chalk does not go all over the place like some Columbian Disco party.
  • Almond M&Ms- Once again these little obesity pills made my list. You trick me by being filled with “healthy” Almonds. I have even attempted to add a protein shake or jerky to make the whole thing a 4 block meal.Lil fuckers and your damn addictive chemicals. Handfull my ass I’ll kill the whole bag in 10 min, Fuck you, nothing more.
  • The Burpee Prison during the 18th minute of Kalsu. Fuck you and thank you. Fuck you for legitimately making me fear death during a WOD and thank you for the very same gift. Please tell your buddies SEALFIT  Log and Ocean I said hey.
  • Victims & self absorbed douche bags - For some reason this group of assholes thinks the world owes them something and when they don’t get it their excuse is always some external thing that keeps them from their goal, or something that made them do it. If everything in your life keep dissappointing you, look at the common denomenator- you , asshole.
“Until you pin me George, Festivus is not over, let’ rumble!”